PorcelainDoll

I can't wait to get this little bugger out of me!
I'm so excited, but at the same time I'm crapping myself because I know I'll leave everything to the last minute. The major stuff is pretty much taken care of, its just a case of having a big spring clean, clearing out the junk from the cupboards to make space for babies junk and re-aranging the bedroom. We've got all the big things such as the pram, moses basket, cot, high chair, travel cot, car seat etc. We've got loads of clothes for him, really gorgeous little things. We just need a changing mat, bath set, bedding and a new matress for the cot. Oh, and nappies! I've known from the begining that I'm definatly going to breast feed and the more I've learnt about it, the more important it is to me, so there wont be that massive hassle of fiddling with bottles and making up formula, although one of my aunties seems to think its imperative that I have a sterilizer 'for dummies and things'...I don't really want to use dummies, I think they look like some kind of alien breathing aparatus...but I'm sure they'll be days when they'll come in handy.
I've made a massive decission not to have any drugs during labour. I spent alot of time reading about all the different options and all the bad points seem to outway the good. They either seem to be not powerful enough to make much of a difference, or they make you feel detatched from the whole thing. I don't want to be detatched from it! Its an amazing thing, and its the only time I'm ever going to experience it, so I want to experience it fully.
I'm definatly not having anymore children after this. I know it sounds like a silly thing to say before my babies even born, but theres no way on earth I'd put my body through this again. Besides, because I've chosen to do this so young, it means they'll still be plenty of time to do the other things, like have a bit of a career, a wedding, travel a little. Despite popular belief, dreams don't just die and your life doesn't just stop because you've made a baby. Yeah, I'll except that its going to be tough, maybe hellish at times, but it'll also be amazing. In a way, I do wish we'd given ourselves more time to experience more together, but I know we're going to be together for a long long time, no matter what, and the rewards will taste so much sweeter after all the hard work and waiting to get there. It just takes a bit of effort and consistancy....which I'm not exactly known for, but these things seem to come naturally when you find the person you're meant to be with.
Anywho...
Oliver starts his graphic design work experience next week, I'm so proud of him. I just hope they'll give him a chance to do some proper work so he can show them what he can do. He's really talented... and I'm not just saying that because he's my partner. Infact, he's so good and enthusiastic about it that its made me want to pursue the same thing. I'm going to look at studying at home, doing some art courses in the evening maybe. Oliver thinks I'll be really good at it and he's always said he'd like it if I went back to college in a couple of years. We'll just have to see. I can't afford to make another wrong decission about my career because it wont just affect me anymore.
I'm being kicked in the ribs right now, so I'm going to go and eat lots and mess with my newly outie belly button!

This is a little tune dedicated to my week old little boy. Daddys Hot Chip album was playing in the car on the way home from the hospital, I really like them.
Anyway, Dylan Bear Robinson was born on the 26th of April at 9.27am and weighed 7lb8. I only had entonox which they took away right at the most painful bit, and I didn't need any stitches.
I had to stay in hospital for 3 days to establish breast feeding which totally sucked and really stressed me out because he just wasn't getting it and all the midwives kept telling me conflicting things and messed about with my boobs loads. For some reason, he just can't get on and stay on, which is a shame really because I've got so much damn milk coming out of me, I feel just like a cow. I did all the right things, skin to skin after birth and all that, he did it then and a couple of times after that with a struggle, but I decided it wasn't worth the hassle so i'd express instead, which thinking about it probably works better for me in the end.
He's so beautiful, I can't believe he actually came out of me! Daddy is a complete natural and can change nappies way faster than me. He's totally smitten and we've gotton to a whole other level of closeness. my family say i'm coping really well and that this 'silly thing' i did might just end up being the making of me. all i know is that its the first time in my life that i'ive felt proud of myself and i'm the most exausted and happiest i've ever been.






P.S,  about the song, i was using my brothers bass heavy headphones so im not quite sure how it'll sound to everyone else. i didn't really put alot into it but im trying to get back to where i was, slowly by slowly...

Its not finished, its only 1 verse and a chorus so far. I want to find a more real sounding string sound and some better drums. I'm going to add some parts here and there eventually.
I've liked this song for ages and never knew who it was by til I saw the video for it yestaday!
Maybe someone could take the FL file and do some stuff in it?

what a crap day

Right...I've had a long hard think about my music and stuff, and I feel as if I've hit a brick wall.

I've met my soul mate and I'm having a baby with him. You'd think that with all thats happening, it would be easy to tap into all that emotion and create meaningful things, but if anything its more difficult because its too real.

The thing thats bothering me most is that I feel undefined. Not as a person, but in reguards to my music. I feel like someone needs to sit me down and tell me what the hell I am so I can focus my energy more instead of spurting off in loads of half-arsed directions and getting nowhere.

So, yet again, I'm asking you guys to help me out, cause you've never failed me before.
All I'm asking for is for someone to write something like a bio for me, about my music. I just get stumped everytime I try to write something.
Help me out?


Thanks xxx

Its probably not very obvious at all, but this is inspired a bit by DaftPunk.